Here ‘we’ go…

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

-..- by Oriah Mountain Dreamer -..-

(3 nights, 8 hours and 30 minutes to go… Bismillah.)

Dream a little dream…

To dream or not to dream…

I mean, literally dreaming. The brain’s work-in-process while we’re sleeping. Sometimes I remember what my dream is, but mostly I don’t. And if I do, I’ll usually forget it soon.

But not one dream I had one night. Or was it ‘day’ during my late waking-up era? Hmmm… 😐

Anyways, on that dream, I was running through futuristic halls and chased by evil troops with laser guns. Y’know, the kind of thing that happens in Star Wars movies. I can’t remember why I was being chased. Maybe I was the evil one, not them. And you know how hard it is to rrruunnn in your dream. Seems like parts of your body don’t want to join forces normally. Seems like they’re made to make you get caught or stumble. Ahaa, that’s the point! To make us realize that once you wake up it was just a dream. 😆

Whoops, hang on, the story’s not over yet. So, after a grueling runaway from hall to hall, I got into a huge hangar. But only one plane parked there. An antique one just like the World War II kind of plane. And then I jumped on it, started the machine and flew out. Yeah, this is the good thing about dreaming. It allows you to be impossible, yet it doesn’t give space for mocking judgments. Right? 😉

Now, I was in the sky. Flying quietly and alone. It was twilight and the sun, being a massive round and red glare, was right in front of me but didn’t blind me. It shone on the surroundings softly.

Can’t remember what happened next, but I can never forget that part of my dream until now. It was beautiful in a mystifying way. And remembering flying alone between the red clouds towards the sunset just gives me euphoria. What’s bizarre is, how it helps me to feel good now and again.

The Quality Time…

Was watching Grey’s Anatomy, the ‘Deny Deny Deny’ episode with my folks. No Indonesian subtitle, and English is just not their first language. Anyways, when Meredith’s Mum, Ellis Grey, suddenly burst into the MRI room and gave medical instructions to Alex, there was another drama in my living room:

Dad: Is she a doctor or a patient? (In a confused tone. Not surprising, coz Ellis was on bed minutes before)

Me: She used to be a good doctor. But she had to retire due to Alzheimer.

Ten minutes later after commercial break. On TV, everybody panicked coz Ellis’ room was empty. George was supposed to watch out for her.

Dad: What happened?

Me: (Telling myself: Here we go again…) Ellis went missing.

Dad: Where did she go?

Me: (Inhale-exhale deeply) That’s what everyone’s asking actually.

After another commercial break:

Dad: They wear different colors of uniforms. D’you know what each means?

Me: (Trying hard to catch what Addison was telling Meredith. FYI, English is not my first language either) Dunno… Not sure…

Dad: Does each color represent a particular grade?

Me: Maybe (What did Addison say again?)

Dad: That man just now seems to be the big boss, but he wears the same color like his employees. Why?

Me: … I’ll ask the producer about that later.

So I hardly got what the episode was all about that night. Can’t believe this kind of thing has been going on for tens of years in my life. Newsflash: I’m moving out of my parents’ house by the end of November.

Come to think of that, as much as Dad’s questions during the series being played kinda bugged me, I’m definitely gonna miss this moment with him, much!

Well, I guess I don’t mind being bugged 🙂

PS: I watched it on 01-Nov, so it was before I made the ‘to do’ list on my previous post. Don’t get too suspicious yet 😉 Well, the good news is, I’m still hangin’ on the list. Ooh yeah!

Payback time!

I’ve been doing a great job… hell yeah, it’s great! ….At sleeping 😦

WHILE my six ‘Books of Nightmares’ are still waiting to be properly and intentionally read. I do remember that there’s an exam coming in a month. Oh yes, remember it so well, like, everrrrydayyyy… But… To study… Hhhh…!

To do:

• Stay up (d’uh… um, okay then, will try to) for two days.
• Sleep only 3 hours max (Hah! Eat that, girl!)
• Coffee, lots of it.
• No watching DVD’s.
• No TV’s.
• Internet, a little.

And everytime I wanna break my own rules, remember how sorry I will be!!!

So, this way I won’t regret if I fail the exam. Coz I’ll fail because it’s difficult, not because I don’t fight hard enough.