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You Make Me Feel Brand New

My Love,

I’ll never find the words, My Love. To tell you how I feel, My love. Mere words could not explain.

Precious love, you held my life within your hands. Created everything I am. Taught me how to live again.

Only you, cared when I needed a friend. Believed in me through thick and thin. This song is for you. Filled with gratitude and love.

God bless you, you make me feel brand new. For God blessed me with you. You make me feel brand new. I sing this song ’cause you make me feel brand new.

My love, whenever I was insecure. You built me up and made me sure. You gave my pride back to me. Precious friend, with you I’ll always have a friend. You’re someone who I can depend to walk a path that never ends. Without you, my life has no meaning or rhyme. Like notes to a song out of time. How can I repay you for having faith in me?

- You Make Me Feel Brand New, 1974, The Stylistics.

…and you make me feel whole and brand new, Sadina Mikaila Rizki, 12.12.2007, 16:16, Alhamdulillah.

An Afternoon with Paquita

The four year old Paquita is my niece. While her American father has to work in Thailand, her mother has a good career in the local government and can only spend time with her during the weekend. Fortunately there are my other sister and the maid who watch over her at home. All of them live next door.

One day, her mother asked me to watch over her after she got home from school, since the other adults weren’t home.

12:30 PM

When Paquita arrived home that afternoon, I was already standing by in front of her house. Her first words to me were,”Can I play Barbie in your house?”

Me : (Oh dear…) If only you put them all back yourself in the right place after finish playing. Paquita : Okay, Boss.

Me : And you have to finish your lunch. After that you will take a nap.

Paquita : Yes, Boss.

And suddenly the floor is full with any kinds of Barbie: the torn-dress, the one-shoe, the nude, the chopped-head… yeah, they’re all Paquita’s

1 PM

Lunch was ready and she had it without argumentations. Ate it herself, neatly. Good girl, but hang on coz the best is yet to come…

Barbie party continued. I got the chopped-head and I had to pretend it had a crush on the little bear. She played the bear. The bear said to the chopped-head,”Will you marry me, My Princess?”

Love must be real blind in the Barbie World… *sigh*

2 PM

Nap time. But uh-oh, I just remembered that the fridge was almost empty! I had to go groceries shopping that day or else there would be no dinner, and breakfast, and lunch for the week! So I called Paquita’s Mom, asking her permission to take the little princess at 5 PM to the supermarket. After I got the ‘OK’, she talked to Paquita. The little girl then climbed onto bed after washing her feet.

Me : Paquita, would you come with me to the supermarket if it’s not raining later?

Paquita nodded several times with a bright smile on her face.

Me : We’re gonna take a public vehicle. Is that okay with you, Chubby Bubby?

Paquita : Okay, Boss!

When I was lying next to her, she held my hand tightly and then closed her eyes. We were like that for I don’t know how long, but it was enough time for me to watch this sweet little chubby princess

4 PM

It wasn’t hard to wake her up. I only needed to whisper,”Let’s go to the supermarket,” and she jumped right off of the bed. Minutes later she had finished taking a bath, wore her cute pink dress and held her Barbie small bag with Powerpuff Girls raincoat inside. She picked a small can of milk from the fridge and with her wide smile saying,”I’m ready, Aunty!” when I was still stunned watching her do all that by herself.

Paquita : Let me bring your umbrella.

This is when we were waiting for the public car. Thank goodness it wasn’t raining.

Me : Nah, it’s okay. It’s a bit heavy.

Paquita : No, it’s not! I’m strong! (seizing my umbrella.)

On our way to the supermarket, she held the umbrella tightly as if it was gonna lost if she didn’t do so. I just couldn’t help pinching her chubby cheek looking her do that. My heart thanked her

She’s however the first four-year who’s ever been that sweet to me, while other four-years usually prefer me bringing their stuffs for them.

6 PM

We were already in the supermarket and were almost finished shopping. On our way to the cashier, we walked pass the snacks and sweets lane. Uh-oh… this girl must be asking me to buy this and that after this in a minute!

… …Snacks and sweets lane were way behind us and Paquita looked just cool. I couldn’t believe she didn’t ask me for any sweets at all coz I knew very well how she liked those things much. It was almost abnormal to me!

So this aunty dragged her back to the lane,”Okay, Girl, what would you like?”

Paquita : Mom told me not to buy anything.

Me : Your Mom is right, you shouldn’t because you don’t have any money, right? So I’m gonna buy it for you. But you must remember that this only happens when someone wants to buy it for you. If they don’t, then you don’t ask them to, either. Got it, Chubby Cheek?

She got it. She picked three bars of chocolate right away with different flavours from the shelf. Hmm, that’s… quick. I kinda thought she’d only take one.

Paquita : The other two are for Lala and Lia.

She remembered to buy for her other cousins as well?? If amazement came in the form of water, then I’d be all wet.

Outside the supermarket, she opened her can of milk.

Paquita : Here Aunty, have some. This tastes really nice!

Gosh, is it really her job to always surprise me with her awareness of being sincere in such a young age?

My Dad once said that if you go to a kindergarten, you’ll see that each child, of all that many, is unique. He’s totally right. I’ve seen many children and none of them has similar characteristic to each other. Still, without any intention to brag, mostly I can guess what’s in their mind and what they’re gonna do next.

But not with Paquita. I often can’t see it coming with her. The fact that she’s four year old and yet has the ability to be unselfish, while other kids her age normally are, makes me fall in love with her just easily.

Please don’t forget that we cannot blame kids under five for being selfish. It’s a mere stage of their childhood life that we adults must understand. In time they will learn how to think about other people too. So, looks like Paquita has learned it earlier than her friends.

Well, good on you, Chubby Bubby

I hope that heart of a princess’s stays in you no matter how old you are, where you are and whom you’re with.

Questioning

As much as I know that it’s important to find out h.o.w. …

I want so much to go back asking w.h.y. every now and again.

Am I too stuck to even realize that I am?

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel you don’t belong there? I mean, a kind of situation that you’re already familiar with because (!)you’ve let yourself being compensated by others for too long already.

Quit it may sound tempting. Well, it does to me. However, in effect of doing it can possibly break more than just two hearts.

I’d like to sigh, please…

C’mon, Al, hold yourself together.

“Honey, I’m hooomme!”

It’s been almost two months since my last post. I’ve moved out to the new home, about 15 minutes via freeway from my parents’.

Everyday is all about adjustment, adjustment, adjustments. With the surrounding peeps, with the chores, with being away from my family and my rabbits… with no telephone line installed yet…

Well, nothing has surprised me just yet so far. I think I’m managing just okay. And I never forget about my green grass here of course, ever! Mmmuach! …Just couldn’t find the time to leave a new post. Sorry for that.

Right, many have happened. My exam was on December 3, 2006. After finished doing it, I never felt that optimistic in my life before… about failing it. This kind of feeling immediately led me to feel many more negative feelings, that I’m such a disappointment to my parents… how I’ve wasted my time a lot… how I’ve wasted their time in raising me… FYI, I still feel this way until now and am not planning to remove it from my heart. Deem it as a reminder to do better next time, no matter what the exam results will be.And then, the bad news came while I . An old friend got hit by a motorcycle and her head was injured. That’s not easy to my heart. Seeing her lay down in the hospital, unconscious and powerless, was just heartbreaking. But thank God, her parents and boyfriend were strong and hopeful. They have to, and they know it. And thanks again, God, for sending her back to her family.A president was hung. An airplane went missing. A boat was drowned. A train fell from a bridge. And the world is still busy.I’m busy.

I learn how to cook properly. I sweep. I mop. I wash. I tolerate. I swallow. I argue. I listen. I keep my mouth shut at times. I smile widely. I missed out The Simpsons, often. I sleep early. I hate. I love.

“Honey, I’m hoooomme!”

Here ‘we’ go…

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

-..- by Oriah Mountain Dreamer -..-

(3 nights, 8 hours and 30 minutes to go… Bismillah.)

The Quality Time…

Was watching Grey’s Anatomy, the ‘Deny Deny Deny’ episode with my folks. No Indonesian subtitle, and English is just not their first language. Anyways, when Meredith’s Mum, Ellis Grey, suddenly burst into the MRI room and gave medical instructions to Alex, there was another drama in my living room:

Dad: Is she a doctor or a patient? (In a confused tone. Not surprising, coz Ellis was on bed minutes before)

Me: She used to be a good doctor. But she had to retire due to Alzheimer.

Ten minutes later after commercial break. On TV, everybody panicked coz Ellis’ room was empty. George was supposed to watch out for her.

Dad: What happened?

Me: (Telling myself: Here we go again…) Ellis went missing.

Dad: Where did she go?

Me: (Inhale-exhale deeply) That’s what everyone’s asking actually.

After another commercial break:

Dad: They wear different colors of uniforms. D’you know what each means?

Me: (Trying hard to catch what Addison was telling Meredith. FYI, English is not my first language either) Dunno… Not sure…

Dad: Does each color represent a particular grade?

Me: Maybe (What did Addison say again?)

Dad: That man just now seems to be the big boss, but he wears the same color like his employees. Why?

Me: … I’ll ask the producer about that later.

So I hardly got what the episode was all about that night. Can’t believe this kind of thing has been going on for tens of years in my life. Newsflash: I’m moving out of my parents’ house by the end of November.

Come to think of that, as much as Dad’s questions during the series being played kinda bugged me, I’m definitely gonna miss this moment with him, much!

Well, I guess I don’t mind being bugged

PS: I watched it on 01-Nov, so it was before I made the ‘to do’ list on my previous post. Don’t get too suspicious yet Well, the good news is, I’m still hangin’ on the list. Ooh yeah!

Eid Mubarak 1427 H…!

May Allah SWT protect you from all harm,

Brighten your heart with the light of Iman,

Bless you with the vision of Ihsaan, and

Elevate you with the greatness of Eid ul-Fitr.

Aamiin.

So long, old friend….

You were kind… You were warm… You cared much about others…

You stood by your friends in their tough times…

You never missed saying ‘happy birthday’ to me, thank you…

You looked provoking though, the first time I saw you

But hey, guess what, it was amazing that you were here before…

… … …

So long my dear old friend, Edy Marpenta (1972 – 2006) …

The Old Friend

I went to see an old friend. He’s just diagnosed with a brain tumor.

When you’re ill, you’re not the same anymore. This goes with him. He used to be a jolly and easy going person. I bet he still is, but I just didn’t feel the presence of those traits when I saw him.

It doesn’t matter.  He’s willing to take any chances to be cured. He loves life and therefore respects his responsibilities.

I’m sad, but I’m proud of you, good old friend. For keeping your spirit alight. Coz that, what matters the most.